I know that you're just joking, but in case anyone else reading this doesn't realize that... badges are supposed to reward behaviour that we want to encourage on the site. Lurking is definitely not one of those.
You can refer to Meta Stack Overflow for the litany of badge requests that were declined for this very reason. New badges generally come about when there's a new feature that we want to get used, like awarding 3rd-party bounties or approving suggested edits (which weren't in V1 of the site). You won't ever see a badge for getting 50 downvotes or for asking an unanswerable question because those aren't actions we want them to repeat.
In fact, we already have a badge that is essentially the exact opposite: Yearling. You get a badge just for being a member - but you have to get at least 200 reputation in that year (which on SE basically means having a pulse). We definitely don't want to encourage people to register and not post.
Now, I don't work for SE, but I know that the Business Intelligence and Marketing teams at my company would be whipping themselves into a frenzy over this and trying to figure out how to get more engagement from these people, starting with email campaigns and targeted advertising and so on. I've no doubt that at least a few people at SE headquarters are putting their minds to the problem.
But my guess is that he just wanted the "enthusiast" and "fanatic" badges and either wasn't that interested in the questions here or simply didn't feel that he had anything to offer. Another example of even well-meaning badges sometimes having negative side-effects.